By Dean Rasmussen

Are You Trans? How My Journey of Self-Discovery Became My Greatest Life Lesson

By Dean Rasmussen

The Question That Changed Everything

In March 2017, the woman I was dating asked me a simple question: “Are you trans?”

I immediately said NO out loud. But in my head? My thoughts were screaming, “I am totally trans!”

This was the first time as an adult that I realized and accepted that I was transgender. Over four decades earlier I was assigned female at birth (AFAB), but that identity never truly fit me.

What I didn’t know then was that this moment of truth would become the foundation of everything I now teach about living authentically.

Wrestling With Fear and Uncertainty

At that time, I wasn’t planning to transition. Fear of the unknown paralyzed me:

• What would this mean for my kids?
• I’m a mom—if I’m not a mom, who am I?
• With my lifelong struggle with self-worth, how would anyone love me if I revealed my true gender?
• Having trauma around men, I feared becoming one of “those men.”

The unknowns seemed endless and not worth the risk.

Does this sound familiar? Maybe not about gender identity, but about making a big life change? The questions might sound like: “If I leave this relationship, who will I be?” “If I change careers, will I lose everything I’ve built?” “If I show who I really am, will I be rejected?”

The paralysis is the same.

My Gender Demanded Recognition

But the more I tried to ignore it, the more impossible it became.

In August 2017, I received coaching from non-binary transmasculine person. They helped me work through being both a mom and a guy, encouraging me to seek out healthy, positive single dads, stay-at-home dads, and gay dads as models.

This work transformed my perspective. I realized I would forever be the same parent I’ve always been, even if my title changed. Now my kids call me “Ren,” a commonly used term for parent.

The Life Lesson: How many of us believe we have to choose between who we really are and the roles we play? Between being authentic and being loved? Between honoring our truth and keeping the peace?

You don’t. But making peace with that truth requires the kind of inner work most people avoid.

Finding Clarity Through Confusion

I wavered for another year before finally admitting to myself and my family that I wanted to start testosterone injections.

During that time, uncertainty lingered. Part of me wondered if working through my childhood sexual abuse trauma would “fix” me so I could love myself as I was. I desperately wanted to separate my issues into two boxes: “because I’m trans” and “because I was sexually abused.” Unfortunately, most issues fit into both boxes, a tangled knot of identity and trauma.

Here’s what I learned: We spend so much energy trying to untangle our complexity, believing that clarity means simplicity. But the real breakthrough comes when we accept that we are integrations of all our experiences—and that’s where our power lives.

Your life challenges aren’t separate from each other. Your breakthrough in one area creates breakthrough in all areas.

Trusting My Inner Voice

Eventually, I made the decision to take testosterone the same way I make every important choice: I listened to myself and trusted my intuition.

Although my life’s path has been full of twists and turns, I’ve never regretted decisions made by relying on my intuition. Over six years of testosterone injections, I haven’t experienced a single moment of uncertainty since taking that leap.

This is the skill that changes everything.

Not the ability to make perfect decisions, but the ability to trust yourself enough to make aligned ones.

---

The Inner Work That Transforms Lives

My gender journey taught me something profound: the stories we tell ourselves shape everything.

For years, I carried narratives that kept me small:

• “I’m not worthy of love as my true self”
• “I can’t be both a good parent and transgender”
• “My trauma defines my limitations”

Sound familiar?

These same patterns show up in every area of life:

• “I’m not ready for what I really want”
• “I don’t deserve to be happy”
• “My past mistakes mean I can’t have a different future”
• “If people really knew me, they wouldn’t accept me”

The voice that says “I should just be grateful for what I have” is often the same voice that says “Who am I to want more?” The fear of being truly seen—whether as transgender, as someone making a major life change, or simply as someone with needs and desires—creates the same paralysis.

What Breaking Through Taught Me About Living Authentically

Learning to trust my intuition about my gender identity fundamentally changed how I show up in every area of life.

The breakthrough wasn’t just about accepting I was transgender. It was about:

Questioning assumptions I’d never questioned before. What if the “right way” to live isn’t actually right for you? What if your unconventional path is exactly what your soul needs?

Learning to separate other people’s expectations from my own truth. When you stop performing for others’ approval, you start living from purpose.

Discovering that my perceived “flaws” were actually sources of strength. Your sensitivity isn’t weakness—it’s insight. Your questioning isn’t confusion—it’s wisdom. Your different way of being isn’t a problem—it’s authenticity.

Understanding that authenticity creates safety for others to be authentic too. When you stop hiding, you give everyone else permission to stop hiding. This is how real connection happens.

This is exactly the inner work that transforms lives.

The Three Shifts That Change Everything

Through my own journey and years of coaching people through theirs, I’ve identified three critical shifts:

1. From Performance to Presence

Stop asking “Am I doing this right?” and start asking “Am I being true to myself?”

When I was hiding my gender identity, I spent enormous energy managing how people perceived me. That same energy drain happens when we focus on appearing to have it all together instead of actually being okay with who we are.

2. From External Validation to Internal Navigation

Stop seeking permission and start trusting your knowing.

The moment I stopped waiting for others to validate my identity was the moment I became free. The same is true for anyone who learns to trust their intuition over other people’s opinions.

3. From Either/Or to Both/And

Stop believing you have to choose between seemingly opposing truths.

I can be transgender and a great parent. You can want stability and want change. You can honor your past and create something new. You can be afraid and brave.

How Personal Transformation Creates Authentic Living

When you do the deep work of accepting all parts of yourself—including the parts that don’t fit conventional molds—you naturally create the life you actually want instead of the life you think you should want.

My journey from hiding my true identity to living authentically is the same journey anyone takes when they decide to stop settling and start thriving.

Authentic living isn’t about being fearless. It’s about being real.

It’s the work of:

• Examining your own unconscious beliefs
• Getting comfortable with discomfort
• Learning to hold complexity without rushing to resolution
• Building the courage to be yourself even when it’s risky
• Creating belonging by first belonging to yourself

What This Means for Your Life

If you’re reading this and feeling that tug of recognition—that sense that you too are ready to stop hiding parts of yourself, stop playing small, stop living from fear instead of truth—then you’re ready for the work I do.

Whether you’re navigating identity, questioning the path you’re on, feeling stuck in patterns that no longer serve you, dealing with past trauma, or simply knowing there’s a more authentic way to live—this work is for you.

Ready to Do Your Own Inner Work?

I work with people who are ready to:

✓ Transform limiting beliefs that keep them playing small and living from fear instead of possibility

✓ Navigate difficult life transitions with confidence and clarity—career changes, relationship shifts, identity evolution, healing from trauma

✓ Build authentic relationships where you don’t have to hide parts of yourself to be loved and accepted

✓ Live from values instead of fears—making decisions aligned with who you actually are, not who you think you should be

✓ Develop self-trust so you can navigate uncertainty without losing yourself

✓ Heal past wounds that are keeping you from fully showing up in your present

The same intuition that guided me through my gender transition guides my coaching approach: deep listening, radical acceptance, and the courage to question everything.

What Working Together Looks Like

My coaching isn’t about giving you answers. It’s about helping you access your own knowing.

Through one-on-one coaching, we’ll:

• Identify the stories and beliefs that are keeping you stuck
• Build your capacity to trust your intuition even when the path isn’t clear
• Develop skills to navigate life’s complexity without losing yourself
• Create strategies for living authentically even in environments that may not support it
• Transform your relationship with fear, uncertainty, and being seen
• Process trauma and past experiences that are impacting your present

Your next level of life—and self—is waiting on the other side of the stories you’re ready to release.

---

Let’s Connect

Book a Free Consultation– Let’s explore how doing your inner work can transform your life. In 60 minutes, we’ll get clear on what’s holding you back and whether coaching with me is the right next step.

Explore My Coaching Services – Specialized coaching for people ready for real transformation

---

“The same courage it takes to live authentically is the courage it takes to create the life you actually want. Both require you to trust your inner voice over external expectations.”

— Dean Rasmussen

---

About Dean: I’m a life coach, consultant, and guide for people who are ready to do the inner work that creates outer transformation. My own journey through gender transition, trauma healing, and finding authentic voice taught me that the most fulfilling life comes from the inside out. I work with individuals navigating major life transitions, healing from trauma, questioning their path, and ready to live from truth instead of fear.

---

Ready to begin? Your transformation starts with a conversation.

Schedule Your Free Consultation Now