It’s time to build a life that feels like yours
There’s a specific kind of stuck that isn’t hiding, and isn’t pretending either. It’s living out, just not fully open, because the people around you haven’t quite made room for all of who you are yet, so you hold part of yourself back to keep things comfortable.
We usually talk about the window of tolerance as a measure of how much pain we can handle. But it also covers our capacity for joy, pleasure, and love. If good things trigger anxiety or self-sabotage instead of relief, your window may need to expand, not shrink to fit what feels familiar. Most of us learned the concept of a “window of tolerance” as a way to talk about our capacity for distress. Grief, fear, anger, overwhelm. When something pushes us past our window, we flip into fight, flight, freeze, or fawn. The work, we’re told, is to widen that window so we can stay present with hard feelings instead of getting swept away by them. That part is true. But it’s incomplete.
We often think we need to follow a certain path to achieve happiness. But it's like wearing a great pair of shoes that are a size too small. They look perfect, but they don't fit. Eventually, we learn that doing everything right and being ourselves might different things. It takes time to see this clearly, but it's worth it. Check your picture of a good life. Most of it was taught to you. Be curious, and notice what's actually true.
Two years after moving to a new city, I reflect on what leaving behind the familiar taught me about fear, grief, and trusting big decisions. If you’re facing a major life change, this story is an invitation to choose the life you’re trying to build—even before you feel certain.
Discover what truly makes a 10 in your life! Often, we're conditioned to chase societal milestones, but your 10 is unique to you. Imagine waking up excited, having meaningful friendships, and feeling comfortable in your skin. These are the moments that matter most, and they define a fulfilling life. Stop comparing yourself to others and start defining your own success. Your 10 is personal, and it's up to you to make it a reality.
Many trans people say being trans is the least interesting thing about them, and I understand why. But if I’m honest, I’m not sure that’s true for me. After all, I’m a man who birthed five babies. In this post, I explore why my trans experience has shaped some of the most interesting parts of my life, the lessons it’s taught me about authenticity, and how that journey influences the way I coach others.
Saying yes/no with intention has transformed our lives. We've learned that by rejecting obligations that drain us and embracing those that align with our passions and values, we've been able to grow, learn, and achieve things we never thought were possible. This journey has taught us that our happiness and well-being are worth prioritizing, and it's a message we're excited to share with the world.
There’s a moment most people recognize. You know what you need to do. You’ve known for a while. And yet you don’t do it. Most people call this self-sabotage. And they’re right. But what most people don’t know is why it happens. Or where it actually comes from. It’s not a willpower problem. It’s not a character flaw. It’s a pattern. And patterns, unlike character flaws, can change. In this post I’m breaking down what self-sabotage actually is, where it comes from, and the three targets most people don’t know about. Plus there’s a free webinar coming where we do this work together live.
“That’s just who I am” sounds like self-awareness. Most of the time, it’s the most convincing lie we tell ourselves. Your personality and your survival strategy aren’t the same thing. Every pattern you carry made sense once. It kept you safe, loved, and functional in a world that asked too much of you too young. But a strength overused becomes the way you self-sabotage. And you’re not in that room anymore.
Love is a powerful force that can transform lives. When we open ourselves up to receiving love, we allow it to heal and uplift us. But the path to self-love is not always easy. We must overcome our own doubts and fears, and learn to trust in our worth. By doing so, we can create a healthier and more fulfilling relationship with ourselves and others.
